Released November 1984, because yeah this post-apocalyptic Valley Girl zombie movie is also a Christmas movie!
Directed and Written by Thom Eberhardt
One of the first PG-13 movies...
Opening narration [voice of Michael Hanks] over credits: “Since before recorded time it had swung through the universe in an elliptical orbit so large that it’s very existence remained a secret of time and space. But now in the last few years of the 20th century, the visitor was returning. (show of the titular comet).” TITLE! “The citizens of earth would get an extra Christmas present this year, as their planet orbited through the tail of the comet. Scientists predicted a light show of stellar proportions, something not seen on Earth for 65 million years. Indeed, not since the time that the dinosaurs disappeared virtually overnight (umm what?). There were a few who saw this as more than just a coincidence, (shows scientists) but, most didn’t. ”
CUE music! going to a great big party! The whole world is celebratin’! by Chris Farren. It’s catchy. We see crowded streets, people in a movie theater buying head thingies, celebrating, ect.
A panning shot shows us a girl playing an arcade game, Tempest. It’s Catherine Mary Stewart as Reggie. An apx 18-year-old bad ass (irl she’s about 25). She works at a movie theater, the boss wants to go home and for her to do theater walks which she doesn’t want to do. She’s kind of a slacker.
Reg has all the highest records on the Tempest machine, she just got 3rd but holds all the other slots, except 6th which DMK has. She’s mied.
“Don’t be an overachiever, you’ll t in better with your age group.” - boss, Mel. Boss warns Reg to stay out of the projection booth and away from Larry Dupree
(Michael Bowen).
CUT TO Larry haggling over a 3D print of It Came From Outer Space. Ok so they need to spend the night in the projection booth to ensure they have the print back by morning, so they’ll miss the comet. See the comet in person or see it in person - “television is real, television is very real” - Larry.
CUT TO Kelli Maroney as Sam in a wildly 80s... Barbie outt? She’s like a stereotypical 16y/o girl, (irl she’s about 18) watching the news, we learn the comet will appear over the skies of Newfoundland rst. Also, a weird thing, all
telecommunications seems to be out in that part of the world, oh well moving on...
Reggie calls home, Sam answers, she’s pissed at Doris. Reggie needs Sam to cover for her so she can spend the night at the theater.
Doris looks to be having an aair... with Chuck? Anyway, Doris wants Reggie to come home, Reggie argues. Seems to be Doris is their step mom and their father is deployed, likely Army.
“You were born with an asshole Doris, you don’t need Chuck.” - Sam.
OH DAMN! And Doris slaps Sam across the face sending her careening! AND Sam slaps her back! Whoa! Go Sam! But Doris isn’t out of the ght. She comes back with a smile, grabs Sam by the shirt, pulls her in to punch her in the face sending her bodily ying over the couch to the oor. KO.
We see more crowds of people partying outside waiting for the comet.An old man talks about Hailey’s comet passing in 1910 and people thought they
were going to die... really?There is thunder and lightning. Everyone looks up.
CUT TO Reggie and Larry in a compromising position in the projection booth.
“Superman can see through walls.” - Reg.“Not these walls. They’re made out of steel. Used to be a re law.” - LD “Superman can see through steel.” - Reg“Nope it's the one thing he cannot see through.” - LD“That’s lead, you nerd.” - Reg. (who is the nerd here Reg).
CUT TO outside, there is a weird storm with lightning, thunder, raining, weird red lights... Doris looks ill she’s like putting her hands on the face.
CUT TO morning, shots of empty streets of LA with a dust blowing and an
ominous red sky...
There is a lot of automated stu - sprinklers, the radio announcement (auto pilot), pool cleaner... it’s really the only movement and shows what will still happen After People.
Most importantly we’re shown shots of people’s clothes and personal eects from the party the night before littered all over the street with that ‘red’ dust all over them. Thought it’s more of that like Mars red... a rusty red. We gets a close up of Doris and Chucks discarded clothes.
CUT TO! Larry is waiting for his fellow lm pirate to return It Came From Outer Space (a mint condition 3D copy mind you) and is upset that he hasn’t shown up yet. Reggie wakes up more peacefully.
Larry leaves to go to them. Reggie remains in the Projection booth still obsessing over DMK and his score on Tempest.
Larry hears someone outside the door (which has a Red Dust poster on it, lol). When he opens it he’s immediately clubbed in the head by... a zombie... wielding a wrench? Who drags him outside.
Reggie meanwhile is playing Tempest and reclaims her 6th place spot from DMK (but wouldn’t that just make him 7th?). I see why she’s the Last Starfighter's girlfriend. She snacks on a lot and I appreciate that but MAN would I have been red for taking that popcorn and licorice. [Playing Strong Heart by John Townsend].
Reg peaks outside the theater (this door has a Death Race 2000 poster) only to get locked outside. She doesn’t seem bothered by all the clothes... ok. She nds Larry’s keys and the bloody wrench. Oh and Larry’s motorcycle is still there. Ok. Eerie. She hears a noise and goes to investigate like she’s never seen a horror movie only to be confronted by the talking zombie who is eating a piece of Larry.
Reg tries to reason with him, warning him that she’s been trained to defend herself. They ght. She holds her own and manages to get away on Larry’s bike. She rides across the empty LA landscape... with that beautifully horric red sky.
She stops at a red light by a still running, empty car playing Christmas music... dude Mercedes-Benz (not that I had to look that up. My broke as was like idk what that symbol is, like Chrystler but not) have great battery life.
UGH THE MUSIC IS GREAT!
She’s accepted something is wrong very quickly. I love that. We don’t have to waste time.
Reg arrives to her empty home looking for Sam and Doris. She nds Sam in her cheerleader uniform (The Rebels) complaining about Sam. She’s all upbeat and talking.
“I don’t know if pep-squad practice is on or not. I can’t get anyone on the phone.” - Sam“Sammy! You can’t get anybody on the phone because everybody is gone.” - Reg
This is a fantastic juxtaposition of attitude with reality... Sammy is in a teen romp, Reg is in a horror movie... with the rest of us. [Unbelievable by Revolver].
Reg pulls Sam outside to show her the clothes and dust. The empty streets. ect.
WAIT they have a dog, Muy, that turned to dust... IS Buy named after the dog!?! I need to know!
Sam just calmly goes inside and closes the door. LOL. great reaction. Denial.
Sam is scared. Reg has fully accepted everyone is dead. BUT hey there is the guy, Steve LaBeau, on the radio!
They drive to the radio station... you just know where that is? Ok. They look around. [Trouble by Skip Adams].
They realize the radio can run on autopilot... oh great foreshadowing showing the sprinklers and the pool cleaner earlier, and he even said last night he was putting the radio transmission on autopilot while he went to look outside at the comet. That’s a good script right there.
They meet an armed man, Robert Beltran as Hector (dob 1983 so he’s 30). He’s not a zombie. But he is a truck driver. Or was. I guess now he’s a survivor.
Reg protects her sister as he points his gun at her, he wants to see she’s not a zombie. He’s careful.
“Sweetheart, you haven’t seen those freaked-out zombies running around here?” - Hector.
Hector came to town with a girl... she was torn apart. Reg realizes Larry was likely killed too. [Lady in Love by Revolver]. Hector goes to check on her, leaving Sam alone. Hector suggests they try to get along. Oh shit she also knows their father is dead... that’s heavy.
Hector spent the night in the back of his truck with the girl he picked up. So I guess metal means the comet can’t get you.
Sam starts playing around on the radio and broadcasts. “This is Samantha Belmont, 1⁄3 owner of the Greater Los Angeles Basin speaking. Hey is anybody there?” DAMN Sam gured out how to broadcast quickly and she has really embraced it LOL. She dropped the almost title, “I’ll be taking requests from all you teenage comet zombies on the hotline.” [Livin on the Edge by Jocko Marcellino].
Reg criticizes Hector’s gun.She got a call! It was from the Think Tank in the desert.
CUT TO the think tank! A group of scientists argue over whether or not they should bring people back to the underground facility... it’s giving Umbrella Corp.... And they are all going to die down there... huh.
4-5 survivors in San Bernardino too.
“What happened to Doris is happening to them only slower.” ok wait... so the zombies are slowly turning to dust? That is great news!
We see day become night across the empty streets of LA. Fuck it’s creepy!
A 16 year old Sam is drinking and driving in a white dress at night... I have follow up questions... what happened? How did she get there? Where is Reg?
Two cops on motor bikes pull her over... she pulls over and freaks out that she was drinking and doesn’t have her license. They’re zombies that attack her. Oh it’s a dream.
She wakes up with a start. Reg is still sleeping across from her. [Hard Act to Follow by Diana DeWitt]. She goes to the bathroom to... bathe in the sink. Yeah I’ve been there. The zombie cop walks in and stabs her. It’s another f*cking dream. Sheesh!
She wakes up screaming, alerting Reg and Hector... who is kind of mad at the 16 year old in Zombieland for having a nightmare. Come on bro.
The radio station is a great set with fun music and killer lighting!
LeBeau on autopilot says it’s 11 days till Christmas and the malls are packed.
I think last night was Friday December 14th so ‘today’ is December 15th...
Hector is working out.
Reg comes in and talks to Hector.
Hector has to go to San Francisco to check on his Mom, Sister, friends.
Reg explains her mom left, Dad is idk military of some sort (ranger), he remarried and eed o to a war, but trained her and Sam...
Hector asks about Larry, Reg just callously replies, “oh he and I weren’t steady or anything like that.” BITCH HE DIED THIS MORNING!
Awkward.
She asks him not to go to San Diego. He replies that he has to but that he’ll be back. She jokes that she’ll give him Florida, Texas, and Hawaii if he comes back.
Sam listens to them while sitting alone all forlorn and has an itch.
Next morning! December 16th, a Sunday. Reg and Sam are outside shooting with some kind of gun.Sam’s jams which prompts her to say, “Great. See this is the problem with these
things. Daddy would have gotten us Uzis.” Iconic! And it was improve!
Sam asks if Reg “made it with him last him?” Sam’s upset because Hector might be the last man alive and Reg swiped him. But they laugh about it. I mean what can you do?
Hector pulls up in his truck to his mother’s house. Music is playing... it got his hopes up. It’s a somber moment. He takes a few memento from home, a trophy, photos of his mom and sister.... But is interrupted. He opens the door to a zombie child who comes in... because Hector didn’t lock the damn door. Yikes. Also why is there a framed painting of JFK and RFK hanging by the door?
Every zombie movie after Night of the Living Dead gotta have a zombie kid.The music playing is funny and Hector is hilarious. “There goes the
neighborhood.”
CUT TO the think tank the scientist lady writes ‘acceleration’ and ‘loss of memory’ in her notes as symptoms she’s experiencing.
Other scientist guy comes in to say they’ve found more survivors and wants to know how long the blood tests will take.
He sends her to LA with the rest of the group to get the survivors. She doesn’t agree with what they “The Majority” are doing. What in the Communism is happening?
Two child survivors come in and Lady Scientist is angry. She argues with Man Scientist which we can’t hear over the helicopter sound.
OK their logo looks like Umbrella Corp...
Reg and Sam are sitting on a cop car in abandoned-red-sky LA. It’s such a great shot.
Sam has been drinking a lot and has a rash. Oh girl relatable. She asks Reg about Hector again. Sam gets upset thinking about people she’s lost.
Reg tries to pick her up by taking her to the mall. CUE girls just want to have fun by o-brand, o-the rack Cindy Lauper. FASHION MONTAGE!!!
I don’t think this is a commentary on consumerism. [over population]. More on that later.
OH No a creepy man is watching them on the security cameras. He has a group of three men with them.
The mall is a great setting.
WHY TF would you put your gun down!?! One of the goons picks it up.
Regs has hers. Sam is out.
Fight breaks out! [Eyes on You - Jocko Marcellino]
Scientists show up in their helicopter - at the mall {Sherman Oaks Galleria}
Sam kicks ass!
Sadly she’s caught by Zombie-Joker, Willy. They use her to draw out Reg. Meanwhile, Reg has a goon hostage. Willy shoots his own friend! RIP Goon #2.
“I’M NOT CRAZY! I JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK!” - Willy.CUT TO: Sam and Reg tied up while Willy monologues. Now that’s cruel and
unusual punishment.
“See, we worked really hard to get ahead in this business, girls. And we don’t get shit for it! But we do it because we know we can work our way up through the system. And the system works. [No it doesn’t.] Why just a few days ago we were only stock boys. Now we own the store. The American Way. And then this happens. ...()... you coming in here and ripping us o.” - Willy.
“What do you want? You want us to pay for it? What?” - Sam.Willy takes o his glasses to reveal zombie eyes. Great make up too! “You
wouldn’t believe what we want from you. In your worst nightmare, you wouldn’t believe. (smiles) Let’s play a game, it’s called ‘Scary Noises’” - Willy... extra creepy. Fuck. He’s playing Russian Roulette with Sam.
Keep in mind Reg and Sam are teens.The scientists come in and shoot the goons and Willy.
“Umm we’re not with these guys.” - Reg. That’s a great line. Like girl you’re 18, crying, and tied up. No one thinks you’re with them.
Reg and Sam talk about clothes, they’re laughing. They assume Sam is going Zombie because of her rash.
Lady Scientist, lackey scientist (Oscar), and Sam remain behind to kill Sam under the guise of waiting for Hector.
Lady Scientist gives Sam an injection due to her rash. She seems concerned but trusting. She falls asleep quickly.
Lady-Scientist killed Lacky (Oscar).
Hey Hector came back!.. Dressed like Santa.
DUDE Steve Lebeau, how much pre-recorded content do you have?
Hector returns to the radio station: “Reggie! Merry Christmas!”
He nds Lady-Scientist on the couch. She tells him she wrote everything down. She gives herself an injection after oering him her gun. She dies.
She says they were exposed... because “they left the ventilating ducts wide open and the fans goings. ...()... In 36 hours you will be able to vacuum up the last of them from the carpet.”
Hold Up! Are we saying the Projection Booth, garden shed, and back of Hector’s truck are what? Air tight? You know what, it’s dumb but this movie rocks. I’ll move on. They tried.
Well Hector just had one hell of a 10 minutes.
Man-Scientist is talking to Reg, questioning her about her health history. She’s not paying attention. She spots the two kids.
Scientists are taking blood from survivors they’ve put in comas.Reg is questioning things.Man-Scientist tells her that Sam is dead. Don’t worry he’s super sensitive about it. Reg breaks out.
Hector shows up in a nice car, cowboy hat, and listening to old school country music. He asks for directions. He lures the Think Tank guard over to his trunk, opens it to reveal a sleeping Sam inside. They knock him out.
The scope we see it great. The Think Tank is huge.
Long cat and mouse game.
Hector and Sam are breaking in.
Reg was captured.
The scientists are trying to put the kids to sleep.
There is a diversion and Reg is able to get to the kids.
Sam shows and and Reg res at her! Damn, Smart. Sam lives.
“SAM! They said you were dead!” - Reg Lol, “They were exaggerating, totally.” - Sam
Reg compliments her outt, because now is the time for that. The condence these two have is incredible.
Sam and Reg liberate the kids [Brian and Sarah].The two lady scientists are left to laugh themselves to death. That’s kinda dark.
Uncle Hector picks up Sam, Reg, and the kids. Sam complains about the music, Sarah complains about not having her bunny (she gets it back).
Hector stops to taunt the Think Tank. He blew up their car. Genius. [zombie man-scientist started the car and it was kinda karmic.]
One zombie scientist remains to try to take Sarah! Hector gets him. Uncle Hector saves the day.
Back in LA there is a thunderstorm that washes away all the dust and clothes I guess. I have questions about that but whatever.
Also rain in LA... that’s the most unbelievable thing yet.
CUT TO! Reg taking photos of Brian and Sarah. They’re all dressed up. Sam is standing across the street wondering if she should be a Nun.
They show up and stand across the street waiting for the light to change which pisses Sam o.
“We do not cross against the light. ...()... The whole burden of civilization has fallen upon us.” - Reg.
Sam is fed TF up! “That’s totally stupid! There’s nobody here. See? We’re taking ghost town!” - Sam
Suddenly a car come speeding down the street and nearly hits her. The driver swerves back to say, “God. I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t cross against the light like that.” WAIT! You shouldn’t speed asshole! Don’t blame the pedestrian for your near homicide.
This is high schooler Danny Mason Keener... yeah... DMK!He oers to take Sam on a ride. They are making eyes at each other.
Reg and Hector ask questions about him before letting Sam go o with him, but she needs to be back by midnight.
This is a terrible song to ending thing...
WAIT THEY ARE PLAYING FOOTBALL IN THE STREET BUT WON’T CROSS AGAINST THE LIGHT!??!?!
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